50 days and some trangst.
Three things broke in my house tonight. My clothes got stuck in the washing machine. My bike has a flat tyre and I can’t fix it. I want to cry but it’s just not happening. I’m finding myself moving into a place of frustration or anger or grumpiness much quicker, rather than a place of sad. This is strange and a bit hard.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about male spaces and female spaces and how I don’t feel hugely comfortable in either right now. I don’t feel like I used to be a woman and soon I’ll be a man and then I’ll be finished. I just want to move in a masculine direction. My past is really important to me and sometimes I get scared that I will feel excluded from spaces because I am being read as male. I want to be read as male, but this also means I am giving up certain things.
And I’m not sure how to navigate all of this yet. And my throat is sore. And I need sleep.